Intuitive Decision Making
Great decision makers and strategists trust both intellect and instinct; they gather information until the time where a decision is desired, and then, trusting that they have internalized this information, they allow their intuition to guide them. After all, if what looks like an unwise decision on paper is what your gut is telling you is right for you, there really must be something there. When it comes to decisions, big and small, you can research, ask for advice, and gather the information you need. You can also practice listening to your intuition. It’s important to remember that the right decision for you is the one that you will feel good living with. Intuition is not what you want or your first instinct; it is what you can sense or feel in your body is the right choice for you. The following will introduce you to several ways to listen to your own intuition. Cultivating and applying both skills is what will ultimately lead to wise decision making.
What are some of the reasons why you’ve made a poor decision in the past? If it helps, think of specific situations. Did you know it wasn’t the right choice at the time or did you only realize this later? Explore why you might have made the decision you did in a few different situations.
We all make unwise decisions at one point or another, whether large or small. Here are some common reasons why we do. Can you see some of them in yourself?
Our friends are doing it
Our parents want us to
It seems like it’s the normal way to do things
It’s what “everyone thinks”
We don’t want to make someone feel bad
We don’t want to disappoint someone
Just as important are the reasons why we sometimes don’t choose what we really, truly want:
We are scared we won’t be good at it
We think we don’t have what it takes
We are afraid people will make fun of us
Someone made us feel like we aren’t good enough
We are scared we’ll be rejected
We are afraid we’ll succeed (and all the what-if’s that come with that!)
As you can see, the second list is really about fear. Fear that we won’t succeed in something that we really, truly want. This is something that is important for us to explore. Sometimes the things that we want the absolute most are the things that we are the most afraid of trying.
Listening to your intuition
Here’s an exercise to help you recognize what something feels like when it’s right for you, and what it feels like when it’s not. During it, you'll want to pay special attention to the sensations of your body, even if it’s not obvious how they’re relevant. What do you feel in your chest? In your throat? Your stomach? Your hands and feet? Do you feel yourself opening or relaxing? Do you feel lighter or brighter? Does your body lean forward? OR Do you feel closing, hardening, tensing? And where? Do you feel a sense of dread or heaviness? Do you lean backward? Even small sensations are significant.
For the following, vividly remember the moment as if you were reliving it. Of course, only do this if that would feel okay to you, not for something painful.
Think of a time you said yes to something you later regretted. Vividly remember the moment you made the decision. What were you feeling, physically?
Next, think of a time you said no to something and later wished you’d said yes. What physical feelings did you have while you were making that choice?
Now recall a time you said no and were later relieved that you’d passed on what would have been a bad experience. What were you feeling physically when you made that choice?
Finally, remember a time you said yes to something that turned out to be a great choice. How did you feel, physically, when you were making that choice?
The first two questions would likely be experienced as heavier or tenser, and the second two as expanding or lighter. If this is not the case for you, that’s fine too. Record all details about how you felt when you made the right decision, and when you made one that later (or at the time) felt wrong. We are aiming to record the sensations that you felt in your body at the time of making the decision.
A couple useful approaches
Between Two Paths
Start by naming the two (max three) options. Start with one of the options and, stream-of-consciousness style, write at least one paragraph about why you would and another about why you wouldn’t choose this option. Write until you feel like there’s nothing left to say. But again, this is about tuning into your intuition so don’t stop to think, instead try to keep your pen constantly moving across the paper or your fingers continually typing.
Then, pick the next option and do the same thing. Once you’ve finished with each option, go back and pick apart what you wrote for each. Look for these clues:
In Why Not:
see where your answers are really about fear, with thoughts of 'I'm not good enough' 'I'm not worthy' 'I'm not ready or prepared' 'what if I fail' 'what if I succeed' or 'what if I humiliate myself'?
see where “shoulds” and thoughts of others are heavily represented.
In Why Yes:
see where most of the reasonings are about your passion.
see where “shoulds” and thoughts of others are heavily represented.
Highlight fear-based reasons in one color, shoulds in another color, and passions in a final color.
What insight does this give you? What in your writing resonates deeply or rings with truth? Even if they seem intimidating, feel the excitement of those possibilities.
Should I Or Shouldn’t I?
How can you use this knowledge on your own? When you are choosing between two options, or choosing whether to do or not to do something.
Sit quietly in a place where you won’t be disturbed for at least 15 minutes
Turn the lights down
Say out loud each option and see what your body wisdom shows you.
For example, if you and your friend had a disagreement the last time you hung out and you had a stressful day and really want to avoid any more stress, you can say: “I should hang out with my friend ____ today” and tune into how that idea feels for you. Stay in that for a few minutes, repeating a few times if helpful, then move onto “I should not hang out with my friend ____ today” and see how that feels.
Feel the sensations in your body as you sit with each option. Do you feel like you’re opening or closing? Lighter or heavier? More relaxed or more tense? Do you feel any other sensations or clues?
Using your intuition and body wisdom to guide your decision making may feel weird at first, or be hard. But it’s like any muscle, the more you use it the stronger and more clear your answers will become.
Tip: Make your decision early in the day, or first thing when you wake up. Whether we’re- aware of it or not, by the end of the day most of us have made a number of small, or sometimes bigger, decisions. This leads to something psychologists call decision fatigue, and can lead people to make worse decisions. Intentionally making important decisions when you’ve slept well and early in the day is a really smart practice.
Guided Meditation
Again, start by naming the two (max three) options. Then, visualize going down one of the paths.
You come across your first challenge. What do you feel?
You set a goal for yourself. 3 months, 1 year, or 7 years later you achieve that goal, how do you feel?
What does this exercise show you? Are you motivated by the challenge or turned off by it? In which path does your goal feel fulfilling?
Stand In It
Literally. Write a few words that represent each choice on different pieces of paper. Spread the choices out in a row in front of you. Symbolically step INTO one choice at a time. Close your eyes and allow yourself to fully take on that choice. For a moment, commit fully to that option. How does it feel? What is happening in your body? Where do your thoughts go? What pictures do you see? Step back to a neutral spot and write down what you felt, thought, heard, or saw. Repeat the process for the remaining pieces of paper.
Tip: It might help you to get into a reflective headspace if you dim the lights first.